Sexual Desire
Desire rarely shows up identically in two people, and over time, that difference can become a source of real distance: one partner wanting more frequency or different kinds of intimacy, the other feeling pressured, inadequate, or simply out of step with their own desire. Sometimes it's a mismatch that's always been there; sometimes it's something that's shifted, with stress, health, parenthood, or simply time. Either way, it tends to bring up shame on both sides, one partner feeling rejected, the other feeling broken or deficient for not wanting what they "should."
Sexual desire is rarely just about sex. It's tangled up with how safe, attractive, resentful, exhausted, or connected each of you feels in the relationship more broadly, which is part of why trying to solve it purely at the level of frequency or technique so often misses what's actually going on. It's also genuinely common for two people to simply have different baseline levels of desire, in which case the work isn't to force a match, but to find an honest way of relating to that difference that doesn't leave either of you feeling rejected or obligated.
In therapy together, we create a space to talk about this honestly, without it becoming another scoreboard of who wants it more. We look at what desire means for each of you individually, and what's getting in the way of it between you specifically, whether that's unresolved conflict, exhaustion, body image, past experience, or simply never having had a real conversation about it before. From there, we look at what's actually possible to build together, on terms that work for both of you.